Alone in my thoughts I realize now that my heart ached for what never was. All the whispered endearments from your lips were empty lies. Pain slashed my heart with your cruel words in the form of angry 'goodbyes.'

Each time with an apology you returned. Expecting to be forgiven, despite my heart to ashes you burned. Each time I foolishly forgave hoping our love we could salvage and save.

I realize now that my heart ached for what never was. For your love for me was not pure and true. It was tainted with controlling jealousy bent on turning my self esteem black and blue.

Fast as can be your sweet little boy smile would turn into a smirk so utterly vile. I watched as your anger grew daily. And I knew that before long, you would break me.

The love I felt for you, to none could it compare. It nearly broke my heart when I realized you truly didn't care.

I realize now that my heart ached for what never was.
For I gave you my heart, my love, and my soul...
But all you really wanted was someone to control.

~Written & Copyrighted by Jesslan
24 June 99